Oh, my boy. We miss you so much. Life just… isn’t the same without you. I know you wouldn’t want us to be upset but … we are. The last few weeks have been awful. You were our heart… our household comedian. You were the final peg in what made our family complete – and boy, were you loved. 

You were the dog I LONGED for – part of the reason we bought a house. You were exactly what we needed, and we were exactly what you needed. A match made in heaven – we were so happy. 

I carefully “selected” you (but truth be told, you selected us) – I still remember the very first time I saw you on the adoption social media account. I knew you’d complete our family – and you did. Did you ever make yourself at home quickly. 

Since your passing….

The mornings are the hardest… as are the nights. You know what? The days are hard too. I wake up every morning looking for you in your ‘Finny Fort’ … I miss saying “ok let’s go little boys!” when I let you out of the room. I miss letting you out. I miss feeding you, I miss your slurps of water. I miss checking on you while you sunbathed on the hot tub. Oddly, I miss picking up your poop…. I desperately miss walking you …. I miss you.. in all your glory. 

At nighttime, I miss organizing the pillows so you had the perfect “Finny Fort” to snuggle in. I miss you tucking us in and grumbling when we moved. 

I miss you finding your safe haven in your closet, or you latching on to Daddo when you felt vulnerable. I miss tripping over you in the kitchen (I’m sorry for ever getting frustrated with you). I miss you touching the fireplace. I miss you. I miss your black shorts (aka – your “chicken eating shorts”) and your speckles. 

Above all, I miss your kind, soulful eyes. My boy, those eyes could warm a cold heart from miles away. We had wordless conversations, the two of us. You made me feel warm, safe, welcome and heard. All without saying a word. 

I miss our old normal – I haven’t been able to go back to anything “normal” since you’ve left because it hurts. Simple things like meal prepping… going to the gym… even working is hard because you “should” be *here*.

I miss telling you you couldn’t come with me when I left the house, and you accompanied me to the garage door – then me returning and seeing your cute face in the patio door waiting for me … or getting texts from Dad while I was away and it’s a picture of you waiting for me. I miss bonking you on the snoot opening the door coming home (you always got too close!). We had such a regimented “schedule” for your past 6-7 months….. I’d kill for that schedule back. I don’t want things to go back to ‘normal’.

I miss how excited you got when I put on my “outdoor feet” to take you for a walk – oh man, you loved your walks – your wagger worked 1000%. I’m sorry I didn’t walk you more (even though we walked lots)! I wish I had taken more videos of us walking, oddly enough, the videos I posted on instagram are what is giving me the most comfort … your ears could make the darkest days bright. You never failed to make me giggle. 

I miss you accompanying me to work and how I’d usually get you a “chino”. I love how you loved the car, and how you’d balance on the centre console. I always called you my navigator. I miss you running into the garage whenever you had the chance and slooooowly sauntering out when I said it was time to get out. There was a few instances where I put you into the car even when we weren’t going anywhere.

Why is “life” so cruel? So unfair. You were the kindest soul with the sweetest eyes and you had a sense of humour to boot – seriously, if you were human you’d be the ‘dreamboat’. . You didn’t deserve a single thing you endured, except us as your family – we were a match made in heaven. Why did it only have to last a year? Why do other families get 15+ years? Why not you? Why not us? 

It’s been 22 days (since I wrote this blog) since we made that heartbreaking decision and life moves on – and that kills my soul. I don’t have you – how can life move on like nothing happened? Why are people acting as if life is ‘normal’?

22 days and it still stings … I still cry when someone mentions you. I still cry when they don’t. I still cry when I think of you. I still cry when I look over and you’re not *there*. In fact, the memories I have of you hurt my heart, while also comforting me…. I’m just trying to love on Tankie.

With that being said, memories are starting to feel like this was all fake; were they real? I can’t imagine you ever laid next to me…. Or that you kissed me. It feels like a nightmare, to be honest. 

I hope our memories together never fade…we both know they’re real … and that the time we spent together is never forgotten. I know I’ll never forget you, my boy. 

I am ensuring your legacy lives on… although I wish this wasn’t the case – I’d rather you be here. I am creating something in your legacy, I am not sure exactly what, but it’s called “Finn + Friends”.