Your ‘lasts’ haunt me, my dude.

They hurt because I didn’t know they were your last, and I feel guilty I wasn’t ‘paying attention’; I understand that nobody knows… but I am overly difficult on myself. Oh, my heart is broken.

I wish I could savour;

• Your last outdoor walk with us
• Your last time up the stairs
• The last time I fed you
• The last time you laid on the hot tub/deck/lawn
• The last time you borked
• The last time you zoomed
• The last kiss you gave me
• Your last Finny Fort
• Your last snuffle mat
• Our last snuggle

Oh my boy, the list goes on… It makes me sick to my stomach thinking I had no idea these were your ‘lasts’. But I am glad you also had no idea…

What I am grateful for, though.. and I wish I wasn’t – Daddo and I were there for your last breaths. We snuggled you & told you that you were the bestest boy… because you were. The last person you saw was me. I only wish you hadn’t spent 3 nights without us… you deserved to be nice and cozy at home, where your humans & BBB were… but that isn’t what was in the cards.

The cards sucked for you, from the moment you were born…. If I could have re-dealt them for you, I would have. You deserved so much more.